Good people of Crawley, rejoice!

If, as a voter living in the Parliamentary constituency of Crawley in West Sussex, you oppose the idea of giving £9 billion of our tax pounds to the International Monetary Fund to gift to Greece and other failing economies with no prospect of getting any of it back, congratulations!  Your MP, Henry Smith, voted against the measure in the Commons.

Representative democracy in action.

If, as a voter living in the Parliamentary constituency of Crawley in West Sussex, you support the idea of giving £9 billion of our tax pounds to the International Monetary Fund to gift to Greece and other failing economies with no prospect of getting any of it back, congratulations!  Your MP, Henry Smith, voted for the measure in the Commons.

Representative democracy in action.

Yes ladies and gentlemen of Crawley, Henry Smith MP is the very epitome of consensus politics. No matter what your view on the important issues, Henry has found a way to ensure he has given voice to your wishes.  The full incredible story is on EU Referendum.

With startling insight Henry has realised he can bring cheer to the supposed Conservative Eurosceptics by declaring he voted against the increase in contributions to the IMF.  This results in honourable mentions from the Guardian’s Content Partner.  But not only that, he can tell the whips and David Cameron that he supported the demands of the leadership to vote for the increase, thus preserving his hopes of getting a junior ministerial job in the future.

Henry Smith is a pioneer.  He has mastered the art of what political scientists are describing as ‘hyperactive abstention’.  Instead of refusing to vote, he simply votes for and against.  Not so much A Man for All Seasons, as a Man for All Arguments.  Rumours that Henry received campaign donations from http://www.confused.com have not yet been verified.  It is believed he came up with the idea of ‘hyperactive abstention’ when he was teaching children the Green Cross Code, where youngsters were encouraged to look both ways.  The exciting part of this is if all MPs do the same we won’t have any more idiotic legislation imposed on us from the Westminster bubble because every vote would be tied.

Unlike Richard North at EU Referendum we have been unable to reach Henry for comment.  However our sources just south of Gatwick tell us that Henry has come up with a sure fire way to be returned to the Commons at the next election.  He will be standing for the Conservatives, Labour, Liberal Democrats and UKIP.  When AM pointed out this would not leave the voters of Crawley much of a choice, we were told that it’s not a problem as voters who put an ‘X’ next to Conservative Henry will be able to revisit the polling station a few minutes later and vote again by putting an ‘X’ against Labour Henry, thereby cancelling out their vote.

‘It’s more fun than abstaining by staying at home and watching Jeremy Kyle or sitting in Tilgate Park being eyed up by a gang of chavs from Broadfield,’ our source explained. ‘It also means when people ask you how you voted you can say you supported the eventual winner and couldn’t stand the other lot.’

With the turnout in Crawley likely to exceed 270% at the next election the local Borough Council is advising residents to vote early and vote often.

10 Responses to “Good people of Crawley, rejoice!”


  1. 1 witteringwitney 13/07/2011 at 10:07 pm

    Superb post AM – sarcasm of which I would be proud had I the ‘nous’ to have written it!

  2. 2 WitteringWitney 13/07/2011 at 10:28 pm

    ps I note from Richard North that he is now using his constituency office as a contact point to sell off unwanted personal effects – questionable, I would have thought……

  3. 3 Andy 14/07/2011 at 7:26 am

    Class….

    :-)

  4. 4 yaosxx 14/07/2011 at 9:43 am

    What a bunch of scumballs they all are! Not fit for purpose!!

  5. 5 John Payne 14/07/2011 at 10:15 am

    Whilst on this subject I point out the European Central Bank is buying up even more useless bonds from Greece and others. When Greece goes bust it will loose the money it invested. The big question is: If the ECB goes bust does Britain have a liability?

  6. 6 Uncle Badger 14/07/2011 at 1:42 pm

    I have shoes older than that boy. Brighter, too, I shouldn’t wonder.

  7. 7 David B. Wildgoose 15/07/2011 at 9:04 am

    This would be unfair if he had been honest enough to admit he abstained from the beginning rather than claiming to have “voted against”.

    The reason being, that if you wish to abstain on a Parliamentary Vote whilst still having your presence recorded – a “positive” abstention rather than a “negative” (possibly absent) abstention – then you do this by voting both for and against.

    What is not acceptable is to abstain and then only mention one of the two votes you made.

  8. 8 Joe Prins 17/07/2011 at 12:01 am

    Did have a belly laugh on that one, AM.
    Seems the old British art of sarcasm and understatement has not elected to become part of Europe, as yet.


  1. 1 Henry Smith and his hyperactive abstention Trackback on 14/07/2011 at 10:47 pm
  2. 2 The magic of Henry Smith Trackback on 01/08/2011 at 1:53 am
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