Boris’ fairytales: Chapter 317

So Boris Johnson wants the UK to form an “outer-tier” of the EU with countries like Norway and Switzerland.  He has called for a “pared down” relationship with the EU.

And I want the end of every rainbow to land in my garden so I can collect all the pots of gold from the leprechauns. And peanut M&Ms to be free in every retail outlet.

The problem is neither is possible.  The acquis communautaire dictates you are either in the EU or you’re not.  There is no EU-lite choice.  It is not an option.  To suggest there could be such an option, in clear violation of the EU’s very construct and agenda is as much a myth as the rainbow’s leprechauns and free M&M’s I am calling for.

12 Responses to “Boris’ fairytales: Chapter 317”

  1. 1 tallbloke 05/12/2012 at 12:13 am

    I doubt the EU member states would stop trading with us if we pulled out of full EU membership. We got away with refusing to join the Euro after all.

  2. 2 Furor Teutonicus 05/12/2012 at 5:03 am


    Try asking my Grandfather how he had to buy complete new netting for his trawler due to bastarding arsehole “E.U regs (Trawler was Norwegian!!!).

    Try asking the Swiss milk producer how he has to bow and scrape to those “E.U bastards” JUST so he can transport his product THROUGH the “E.U”!

    He wants to SELL there…A TOTALLY different story. (And, of course MORE money!)

    Ask how much BOTH are paying in “Allowance certificates”!

    Of course, when Al Capone, or the Krays did that, it was called something else.

    But the end effect is NO different!

  3. 3 Dominic Allkins 05/12/2012 at 7:17 am

    Agree with everything you’ve said – except I’d go for Almond M&Ms.

    @tallkbloke: I wish you were right but I fear that Furor Teutonicus is closer to the truth. EU = extortion.

  4. 4 james higham 05/12/2012 at 10:58 am

    And I want the end of every rainbow to land in my garden so I can collect all the pots of gold from the leprechauns.

    Precisely, AM, precisely.

  5. 5 cosmic 05/12/2012 at 12:38 pm

    Just how is BoJo proposing this pared down relationship be brought about? What happens when the others say no.

    He was never strong on details Boris.

    Actually, I’d guess he’s been instructed to run interference, coming up with nice sounding, completely implausible crap to muddy the fact that the Tories don’t have a policy on the EU, or at least one they can explain honestly.

  6. 6 Autonomous Mind 05/12/2012 at 12:49 pm

    Tallbloke, the problem is not that they would stop trading with us. It’s that bureaucracy and structures in place within the customs union would hinder our ability to export the goods legally.

    Today we can export any way we like to other EU states. Unless we invoke Article 50 to withdraw, enabling a negotiation that allows us to nail down issues such as Approved Ports so we can move goods to the EU freely, we could break EU law. Even the WTO would not defend us in such an instance.

  7. 7 Blue Eyes 05/12/2012 at 2:17 pm

    So aspiring politicians are not allowed to say what they would like to see? They should just accept from day one that there is no point and give up?

    You are right that the chance of Britain being able to completely re-shape the EU treaty is approximately zero, but don’t slam someone for saying that it might be desirable to do so…!

    (Just off to see what my local retailer’s deal on M&Ms is)

  8. 8 Bill 05/12/2012 at 7:16 pm

    The worry about breaking EU law is rather weak MHO.
    If and I will be the first to admit I honestly don’t know, IF more of our current exports to go non EU countries than EU countries then Britain plc would be okay with a little bit of effort put into supplying these countries instead of playing EU mind games.

    Begging the tyrant to change never succeeds. Be that tyrant the rump of a British government or the ‘ginormous monstrosity’ that is the EU. The only way to change things is to cut off their funds and thanks to the ‘reality show’ called The Fear Factor the people of these islands are not up for that, just yet but I am beginning to sense a change in the air as the tyrant becomes ever more overt in it’s actions.

  9. 9 Autonomous Mind 05/12/2012 at 7:57 pm

    Blue Eyes, the point is Boris is trying to sell it as a viable option in order to head off a straight in-out referendum.

    This is a man who said we should have an in-out referendum, until he realised it would harm his ambitions to replace Cameron as the string pulling power brokers want Britain in the EU and will block anyone who doesn’t agree.

    He’s not aspiring in any way, he is an accomplished and ruthless partisan party political animal who is far more clued up than people give him credit for. Don’t be taken in by his supposed bumbling.

  10. 10 Autonomous Mind 05/12/2012 at 8:02 pm

    Sadly Bill your approach doesn’t work in the real world. We can supply as much as we like, but there has to be demand to at least match it.

    The worry is not about breaking EU law. The worry is the consequence of doing so, namely the hindrance of our ability to sell into the EU market. EU consumers may want our goods and services, but if supplying them falls foul of the EU’s rules then we can’t get them past their customs controls.

    That is why negotiating an agreement, triggered by invoking Article 50 to state we are leaving the EU, is essential to protecting our interests – while agreeing the terms on which the EU can send its goods and services this way too.

  11. 11 tallbloke 05/12/2012 at 9:30 pm

    Well maybe the nation states which want to trade with us would secede too.
    I think those who promised a referendum stood step up.

  12. 12 Furor Teutonicus 06/12/2012 at 5:04 am

    XX tallbloke 05/12/2012 at 9:30 pm

    Well maybe the nation states which want to trade with us would secede too.
    I think those who promised a referendum stood step up. XX

    O.K, we have never had the promise of a referendum, but there IS a growing interest in us getting out of the E.U.

    Coming from one of the founder members, that is better than it looks on paper! (or screen :-) )

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